Why is self-care so hard and what keeps one from implementing self-care measures? I believe there are several reasons. Many of us were taught early on that it’s better to give than receive. So, we’ve spent years giving – sometimes to the point of exhaustion and depletion.

We’re so good at taking care of the family…the children, an ill spouse, elderly parents, the house, the yard, pets, the job, co-workers or friends. Most of the time it feels good to be taking care of things and others, but it can be draining and often exhausting. Yet we continue to take care out of love, and if we’re honest, sometimes, out of obligation or duty because there’s no one else.

Why is it so hard to ask for what you need? Maybe saying “I need…” feels selfish. The traditional roles of women as nurturers and caregivers have programmed us to consider everyone else’s needs ahead of our own, so needs often go unspoken and unaddressed. That’s not unique to either gender though, as men may have unexpressed needs as well.

Years ago, when he was in his fifties, he was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s lymphoma. She was diagnosed with multiple myeloma. They had been married a number of years, and both of them were receiving treatment for their cancer diagnoses at the same time. Her treatment included a bone marrow transplant. She spent months in the hospital, and eventually a nursing home, with the expectation she would never be well enough to leave. Her condition was so severe at one point that several toes had to be amputated. (They both recovered and lived active, fulfilling lives.)

I’m fascinated by telomeres. I first learned about them when I was doing research in preparation for leading a Mindfulness Meditation workshop. I was looking for the benefits of a mindfulness meditation practice and was surprised to discover there was research documenting the relationship between telomere length and psychosocial practices.

I remember a time when sitting down for a few minutes, doing basically nothing, was out of the question. I felt guilty for not “doing something” because there was so much that needed to be done: meal preparation, attending kids’ activities and church functions, dusting and vacuuming, yard work, and laundry…always laundry. Later on, there were meetings to attend, professional journals to read patients to see, groups to lead, and never, never any unfilled moments.

Nearly everyone has been through at least one tough time, and more often than not, many tough times. In the midst of dark days, it may seem like they will never end. One can question how it’s possible to navigate such distressing times when the light at the end of the tunnel seems far away and dim.