Make A Plan
“A goal without a plan is just a wish.”
Why is self-care so hard, and what keeps one from implementing self-care measures? There are several reasons. Many of us were taught early on that giving is better than receiving. So, we’ve spent years giving – sometimes to the point of exhaustion and depletion.
It reminds me of Oriah Mountain Dreamer’s quote in her book, The Invitation, where she writes, “I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.” There are times when that was necessary…when the kids were little and dependent, for example. We did it for as long as it was necessary.
Other times, work or family/caregiver demands require our undivided attention and time, frequently to our detriment. Those times may feel like they will never end, but they do. What often doesn’t end is the now-established habit of workaholism or time spent caring for everyone and anyone else – except yourself. If we’re honest, it feels weird to think about our needs or wants, or it may even feel “selfish.”
While some realize the need for self-care after a cancer diagnosis or following an emotional, psychological, or physical challenge (or if self-care has previously been a foreign concept), it’s hard to know where to begin.
First, it’s important to acknowledge that we deserve self-care, which is crucial to our health and well-being. But self-care doesn’t happen by wishing it were so. It requires a plan. It means considering how to work toward and maintain physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual health.
A physical self-care plan includes eating healthy, drinking lots of water, getting enough sleep, and eliminating a sedentary lifestyle (less TV, computer, and smartphone time). Start by including one daily physical activity (walking, gardening, housework, yoga). Also, decluttering areas of your home can instill a feeling of manageability and spaciousness.
An emotional self-care plan includes setting clear boundaries, saying “no,” when appropriate, being fully present with loved ones, having occasional solitude, and taking time for fun and enjoyable activities. Start by including one 15-minute “do-nothing” time a day and one fun activity a week.
A psychological self-care plan includes reducing negative thoughts, engaging in personal reflection, identifying what can be controlled and what can’t, journaling, counseling (as needed), and reading or learning something new, like meditative coloring. Start by choosing one of these activities for 15 minutes each day.
A spiritual self-care plan includes prayer or meditation, connecting with a Higher Power or something outside yourself, practicing daily gratitude and mindfulness, spending time in nature, and finding meaning and purpose. Start by spending 15 minutes a day on one of these activities.
Self-care doesn’t happen by wishing it were so. It happens by intention and with planning. Whether you type it on your computer, jot notes on a notepad, or schedule it on your phone calendar, make a plan. You may say, “But I don’t have an hour a day to spend on these things.” Busy people make time, and they make time for what they value.
You deserve it. You need it. You can do it.