I love learning new words. I’d never heard the word “scanxiety” until a few years ago, but I love how the word perfectly describes that feeling: that sense of anxiety and dread over an upcoming scan.

We were having lunch at the Stagecoach Inn in Manitou Springs. I should say hoping to have lunch as the service was painfully slow, and more than an hour after finally placing our order, food was nowhere in sight. The conversation with my daughter and grandsons who were here on vacation was delightful, but everyone was hungry, especially my husband who was becoming increasingly irritated, as the restaurant wasn’t even that busy. Sensing his growing frustration and knowing that an impending confrontation with the waitress (if he could find her) was about to happen, I suddenly pointed to one of the impressive black bear head mounts on a nearby wall and blurted “Look at the bear!”

Is there anybody alive who hasn’t had one or more sleepless nights? I doubt it. Counting sheep was once touted as the cure-all for insomnia and believed to have originated with shepherds in medieval Britain who kept a headcount of their sheep to ensure they were all accounted for. Counting sheep has been recommended as an insomnia remedy since the 12th century and as recently as 2012, promoted in the children’s book, Count the Sheep to Sleep, by Philippa Rae. A research study conducted in the last few years at Oxford University, however, indicated counting sheep was not an effective strategy to eliminate insomnia.

I think busyness has become an addiction. I learned years ago that being busy was admired, and it felt so good when someone asked how my day was going and I responded “Busy!” It made me feel important and needed. It’s taken years for me to learn that I am important and needed even when I’m not crazy busy multitasking and filling every waking moment working through a to-do list and tending to other’s needs. Once those habits are developed, it’s challenging to make changes that include solitude and quiet. Yet research tells us that doing so is in our best interests and actually helps us function more effectively and with less stress.

I spent years becoming a really good worrier. I probably could get a medal for Outstanding Worrier of the Year. Normally I would feel great about doing something really well. But being one of the best worriers around left me feeling depleted, unsettled, anxious. Now I’ve spent many more years learning how not to be a good worrier. It’s a work in progress.

Anyone overwhelmed? There’s a lot to manage these days: trying to stay safe during a pandemic; managing feelings surrounding the riots - regardless of where one is on the political spectrum; coping with medical appointments and treatments; or just getting through another day.

I was in the 20-items-or-less fast checkout lane with 12 items in my basket. The woman in front of me had 29 things – I know because I counted them. Really? I found myself getting very annoyed. Why can’t people just follow the guidelines? The more I thought about it, the more frustrated, angry even, I became. When I finally left the store, I was in a cranky and critical mood.

Everything feels out of sync and nothing feels normal. New words and phrases become commonplace: social distancing, community spread, PPE, N95, flattening the curve, Zoom. Some days I really struggle with my emotions and I have trouble not being overwhelmed by thoughts like…”When will things get back to normal? Will this ever end? Am I being irrational or just trying to be safe? My anxiety feels out of my control. I feel a little depressed…and maybe a little scared, and that’s not typical for me. I don’t handle uncertainty well. I’m used to planning ahead. I’m exhausted from the news and from feeling hypervigilant.”