The Thing About Age
“Aging is an extraordinary process whereby you become the person you always should have been.”
Image Credit @ninanaction
I am fascinated by how one’s age impacts so many things: how you view yourself, how you think others see you, and how both affect one’s mental outlook. Satchel Paige, the renowned baseball player, has a saying that my husband frequently quotes: “How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?”
I remember my Mom saying, “I feel 20 years younger than I am.” I feel the same, and nearly everyone I’ve checked with agrees that this is also true for them. We have an image in our mind of how we see ourselves. But there’s the other side of the coin in how we think others see us. Working in oncology for the past 35 years, hearing people bemoan or attempt to hide their age was uncomfortable for me to hear because I knew too many who would have given anything to have more years to live. Yet, I now understand why some felt inclined to do so.
In my last year of full-time oncology social work, a younger colleague told me, “You remind me of my grandmother.” I guess she saw a curious look on my face because she added, “She is really spry!” Wow. Is that how others saw me – a little old spry lady? It’s not how I saw myself, and I became concerned that sharing my age might change another’s view of me and not favorably. A few days later, my husband and I were in the grocery store check-out lane, and the clerk said to him, “Well, don’t you look spiffy?” We laughed as we headed out: “Spiffy and spry!” I thought other adjectives might have been more appropriate in both instances.
Discrimination or fear of discrimination can occur at any age. When my daughter was 27, she said people didn’t take her seriously where she was employed and dismissed her ideas because what did she know? Ralph Shadid, MD, psychiatrist and mentor to my husband, shared this about aging many years ago: “When I was 20, I worried about what people thought. When I was 40, I didn’t give a damn what they thought. When I was 60, I realized they weren’t thinking of me at all.” Each age has challenges and perceptions – our own and others – to overcome.
People with a life-threatening illness or who have been diagnosed with cancer – even if it’s in remission or cured – understand that every day is to be cherished, whether you are 38, 58, or 88. This week I talked with one of our peer support mentors, who is 81. She told me she was taking Zumba, Tai Chi, and tap dance classes. I was reminded of my 80-year-old Dad, who took a computer class in the 1990s. Both are inspirational to me.
Here is the thing about age: Age doesn’t define who you are. Don’t let yourself or others impose limitations because you are becoming the person you always should have been. Betty Friedan said, “Aging is not lost youth but a new stage of opportunity and strength.” There are so many opportunities.
Here are my takeaways on getting older:
Be proud of your age and be unafraid to share it.
Respect another’s age and contributions, whether 27 or 77.
Know that it’s never too late to start a new job, project, or relationship.
Do what you love now; don’t wait for a better time.
Forgive yourself and others.
Love one another intensely, passionately, and gently.
Cherish today as though it’s your last.