Our past adventures and challenges don’t define us. Still, they shape who we are today, allowing us to be better or bitter, generous or greedy, kind or cruel, compassionate or confronting, open-hearted or walled-off. We get to choose the definition by which we will be known and how we relate to one another.

I love gardening tools, and painting tools, and “fix it” tools. To this day, one of my favorite activities is to wander around a hardware store. I’m fascinated by the vast displays of tools for every occasion and circumstance. And every time, I’m reminded that I need the proper tool to get a job done efficiently without injuring myself or damaging the project. I love it when I can accomplish all three and consider the effort wildly successful.

I remember like it was last week when I rang the doorbell. My Mom came to the door. She greeted me pleasantly, and I knew she had no idea who I was. I was in my 40s; she was in her 70s. When my dad could no longer care for her, she ultimately spent years in a nursing home and passed away when she was 85. I value that those who cared for her there respected her and seemed to know who she was and who she had been...kind, compassionate, generous, gracious, non-judgmental, understanding, and accepting of everyone.

I grew up in a family that valued a religious affiliation. I spent most of my life in church-related activities as a young person and for much of my adult life. Many of those experiences were positive; some were hurtful.

I clearly remember her – not her name, but her…the patient on the oncology unit who talked wistfully about her long-standing desire to take art classes, specifically painting classes, when she retired. I was 45 years old when we met, and I made myself a promise that day. I vowed then not to wait until I no longer had kids at home, was older, retired, financially comfortable, or thought I had enough discretionary time to do fun, enjoyable, interesting, or mind-stretching activities. I wouldn’t wait.

Typically, I like new beginnings. A new beginning can provide an opportunity to do it better next time, to start over, or maybe experience a new adventure.

There is always a choice, and sometimes the options are clear. But many times, the best way forward is unclear. Making any decision, for some, feels too difficult and results in procrastinating or not making a decision. A well-known American theologian, Harvey Cox, said, “Not to decide is to decide.” So, indecision is the decision.

There are times when irreconcilable circumstances happen – things that can’t be undone, like a cancer diagnosis, a tragic accident, or words that were said but can’t be unsaid. Each leaves a wound. Amid such difficulty, it can feel like a marathon that never ends.

Transitions can be complex. We become accustomed to roles we had, some for many years…partner, parent, employee, healthy person. But circumstances change: a relationship falls apart, children leave home, employment is terminated, and a healthy person suddenly becomes a patient.