Changing Roles
“Life is a continuous process of adjustment.”
Image Credit @harrydona
Transitions can be complex. We become accustomed to roles we had, some for many years…partner, parent, employee, healthy person. But circumstances change: a relationship falls apart, children leave home, employment is terminated, and a healthy person suddenly becomes a patient.
For some, change can be distressing, especially if the change is feared or dreaded. For others, change is an exciting and positive step ahead. However, even a perceived positive change, a promotion, or a new relationship can cause anxiety regarding increased expectations and a concern that one won’t measure up or perform perfectly. Each situation presents unique challenges and necessitates role adjustments. Whether a change is dreaded or eagerly anticipated, there are opportunities for reflection, learning, and growth.
Patients have discussed abruptly transitioning from being seemingly healthy and fit to being a “patient” with a life-threatening illness. Role changes that happen suddenly can take your breath away. One can feel lost because the new roles are unfamiliar. Others have experienced being employed one day and not the next, being in a partnership one day and alone the next, or being a parent multi-tasking school and family activities, then facing the unaccustomed quiet and free time when the kids leave home.
In oncology, we often discuss “the new normal,” adjusting to what is. But that language is appropriate for any role change, whether permanent, temporary, wanted, or unwanted. The new normal takes time. It doesn’t happen overnight. In most cases, it’s not a perfect realignment or instant adjustment and may involve sadness, tears, and grieving what was. But being open to a new normal can open up opportunities one may never have imagined. I don’t know the author, but this is one of my favorite quotes, “Remember, you can’t reach what’s in front of you until you let go of what’s behind you.”
Here are some tips for adjusting to whatever “new normal” presents itself:
Use bibliotherapy. Choose reading material that can alleviate distress and facilitate personal growth.
(Whatever the role change, the question is, “How did someone else get through this?”)Normalize the situation. (“Many people struggle with this situation.”)
List the positives. (“What benefit has come from this?”)
Engage in a creative hobby or project. (“How will I spend my time?”)
Identify lessons learned. (“What have I learned from this?”)
Find meaning and purpose. (“How can I make the world a better place?”)
Spend time and effort on what is valued. (“What is my legacy?”)
Change and changing roles are challenging but full of possibilities. It’s impossible to move forward while attempting to keep everything the same because nothing remains the same. We won’t do it perfectly, but we can choose to reflect, learn, and grow today and in the days ahead.