Joy And Sadness
“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair.”
Image Credit @myriamzilles
I used to believe the holidays were a time of joy for everyone, filled with happy family gatherings and bounties of food and gifts for everyone. And sometimes, that is reality, but frequently it isn’t. The holidays in November and December provide myriad opportunities for both joy and sadness.
Many people talk about the “stress” of the season, usually referring to the expectations of shopping and giving “just the right present,” showing up for parties or family gatherings, or spending too much money, when one’s preference might be not to do any of that. The added stress of family discord – not seeing eye-to-eye due to political or lifestyle differences, having differing views on how and when to celebrate, or reliving past hurts and unresolved conflict – can make for a difficult time. It can take away our joy.
But other things can take away our joy…grieving the loss of a loved one, coping with a cancer diagnosis or other life-threatening illness, or managing limitations or others’ expectations. These are especially difficult to navigate during the holidays when everyone is expected to be happy and celebratory. We also may be reminded of events that happened at this time last year, and throughout all of this, we are left with an insurmountable sadness.
Joy and sadness (or sorrow, a feeling of profound sadness) are opposite sides of the same coin and come from the same place in the heart. Joy and sorrow coexist and are inseparable. Kahlil Gibran has written a beautiful piece, “On Joy and Sorrow,” in his book, The Prophet. Here is an excerpt:
“When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.”
It’s hard to be in the winter of despair during the holidays because everyone else seems joyful. I sense that many of us, at one time or another, have feelings of sadness or sorrow during this time – grieving what once was, grieving what will never be. But the only way to not feel sadness is to feel nothing.
While it can be difficult to feel all the feelings, our sadness can remind us of past joys, and we can celebrate those events, loved ones, and cherished times. If we're open to it, there can be a spring of hope in the winter of despair.
Albert Camus says it this way: “…In the midst of chaos, I found there was, within me, an invincible calm. I realized through it all, that…In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.”