Reframing Where We Are
“Find gratitude in the little things, and your well of gratitude will never run dry.”
Image Credit @MichaelKrahn
I was in the aisle seat, returning home. Every seat on the plane was occupied. The flight attendant cautioned the gentleman sitting next to me in the middle seat to move his bag an inch further under the seat in front of him.
Knowing it’s her job to make sure everyone is safe, it still seemed a bit like a solution in search of a problem. I'm afraid my automatic response would have been to roll my eyes and think, "Really?" Rather than getting annoyed, he adjusted his bag to comply, then he smiled and said to me, "I'm glad they let me fly on the plane." I wasn't sure if his remark was sincere or facetious. My immediate response to his comment, which I said softly, was, "Nice reframe.
He was middle-aged and a Pro Rodeo guy, according to his shirt. He certainly looked the part, with his big, white 10-gallon Texas hat. I doubt that he was accustomed to discrimination or being singled out, which made his comment all the more unique, leaving a lasting impression on me. What if he really had reframed what I took as a nitpicky request and transformed it into something for which to be grateful? "I get to fly to my destination.”
I wondered later if he had heard what I’d said or wondered about it. Reframing is a technique that allows us to change our perspective on a situation. Instead of focusing on negativity or limitations, it allows us to adopt a more empowering perspective, leading to a change in emotions and behaviors.
I’ve been reading Viktor Frankl’s book, Man’s Search for Meaning, an account of a man who survived the Nazi concentration camps, lost family members there, and ultimately, lived to recount his journey of survival. Amid such unimaginable depravity, he shares, “We were grateful for the smallest of mercies.” Rather than focusing solely on what he didn’t have, he expressed gratitude in the worst of times.
How we frame comments and interactions determines the course of our day and the days to come. We can hear a comment as baseless or reframe it as an opportunity for positivity. We can see the lighthouse in the picture above and focus on the danger of an impending storm, or we can reframe our view to be thankful for a lighthouse on the shore that helps us navigate to safety.
Reframing doesn’t mean ignoring reality or being relentlessly Pollyanna-ish about situations. Everyone goes through tough seasons that seem like they will never end. But they do. During those rough storms, it’s easy to get into a pattern of rolling one’s eyes and saying, “Really?” But there’s usually a lighthouse in the picture—someone or something that gets us to a safe place. We may need to look long and hard; we will struggle; we will emerge on the other side, not exactly in the same place, because events change us. We will learn. We will grow.
Viktor Frankl said there’s a tension between what one is and what one should become. I have the choice to reframe who I am now to become who I want to be. I want to be the one who says, “I’m glad they let me fly on the plane.”
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