Doing The Best You Can
“All you can do is all you can do. But all you can do is enough.”
Image Credit @pueblovista
I had an experience recently where I was physically unable to keep up with those I was with. I’ve never been in that situation before. I was caught off guard and felt I’d let others down – maybe even to the point of being a burden. It didn’t feel good.
The inability to keep up is foreign to me. I’m used to leading the charge, holding my own, at least, usually going above and beyond, and always an overachiever, competent, competitive, and capable. I’m not used to limitations. And I didn’t expect this limitation. I spent considerable time reflecting on how that experience impacted me. Soon, the negative self-talk began, “I’m too old for this and just messing up everyone’s plans.” “I’m the weak link.”
I thought of others who have (or had) limitations – people with a cancer diagnosis who can’t physically do what was once routine; those who had cancer but aren’t yet able to run five miles as they did in the past. I think of those with intellectual limitations – the noticeable forgetfulness, the inability to balance a checkbook, the difficulty of word-finding. I wonder what their negative self-talk is. When we can’t do what we once did, it’s easy to feel you’re a burden or “less than,” not the perfect family member, perfect patient, or perfect anything.
Here are some reminders for you and me in facing limitations, which I expect we all will:
Acknowledge the limitation. Whether the limitation is temporary or permanent, ask for help. Let others know what you need. It’s helpful to say, “I can’t do this right now.” Continuing to proceed as though nothing has changed can be dangerous and life-threatening.
Make adjustments. Find ways to compensate. I remember a male cancer patient talking about how depressed he was because he could no longer do what he used to do. He was a handyman extraordinaire, and his work gave him a lot of satisfaction. After talking through suggestions about ways to compensate, the suggestion was made that he could sit nearby and coach his son in learning all the secrets of the trade. The son was grateful for the on-site training, and it gave the patient satisfaction knowing he was still useful, even though he couldn’t physically perform the work himself.
Eliminate negative self-talk. Oh, it’s so easy to go there. “I’m a failure as a…...” “I’m useless.” “I can’t do what I once did.” Negative self-talk serves no purpose other than promoting depression and low self-esteem. By identifying and changing negative self-talk, we can improve our mental and emotional state: “This limitation doesn’t mean I’m a failure.” “I can find ways to be useful.”
Conduct a reality check. We may not respond ideally to limitations, but limitations happen. They prevent us from doing what we love, are good at, and look forward to. Acknowledge that it is challenging to navigate the way forward. For all of us, there may come a time when all you can do is all you can do, and all you can do is enough.