In The Meantime…
“Stop waiting for Friday, for summer, for someone to fall in love with you, for life. Happiness is achieved when you stop waiting and make the most of the moment you’re in now.”
Image Credit @gileres
I clearly remember her – not her name, but her…the patient on the oncology unit who talked wistfully about her long-standing desire to take art classes, specifically painting classes, when she retired. I was 45 years old when we met, and I made myself a promise that day. I vowed then not to wait until I no longer had kids at home, was older, retired, financially comfortable, or thought I had enough discretionary time to do fun, enjoyable, interesting, or mind-stretching activities. I wouldn’t wait.
I’m not sure why we’re inclined to wait ‘til the rain stops or life is close to perfect before we become fully engaged or appreciative of what we have rather than focusing on what we don’t have or the imperfect. I wonder if it's easier to give in to sadness or despair when life isn’t going as planned or expected.
My guess is we all struggle to some degree during the dark times – the “in the meantime” times when we’re waiting and hoping the days ahead will be easier and better. There are a lot of “in the meantime” times in life: waiting for the definitive diagnosis, for treatment to be finished, for the job situation to get resolved, for the relationship to improve, for the weather to be better, for there to be more money, for health to return to normal, for there to be less stress.
I’ve experienced a lot of “in the meantime” times this past year…waiting for the death of a loved one, for reconciliation, for situations to change. It’s been hard. I’ve felt fragile – broken even – in a way I’ve never experienced before. It’s been scary and challenging and almost unmanageable. The waiting for things to change has been difficult – whether it’s a dreaded outcome or a hoped-for positive outcome.
I’m the least theater-savvy person in my family, so I hesitate to comment on anything theater-related. But I remember a play called Waiting for Godot, written by Irish playwright Samuel Beckett, which premiered in 1953. Two characters wait for Godot – a character who never shows up but one whom they expect and hope will deliver them from their misery and suffering.
I wonder if I’ve been “waiting for Godot,” for someone or something to relieve me of my distress and anxiety. If I’m telling myself the whole story, I want to wait for “Godot” to show up to make things easier. But I know I can’t do that because I do know it’s up to me – even when it’s hard, even when I feel fragile, not myself, broken. I must remember who I am because that is who I will be until the day I die. I can’t rely on others’ opinions, another’s presence, or positive circumstances to tell me who I am. Because if I listen and remember, I know who I am – even “in the meantime” times.
I’ve seen this quote everywhere, and I don’t know who the original author is: “Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass; it’s about learning to dance in the rain.” It’s hard to dance when you are depleted and exhausted. I get it. I’m there. But I can choose to pick up the umbrella and embrace life with its raindrops, sunshine, tornados, blizzards, and fresh air, even when I’m still here in the meantime, remaining hopeful and determined not to discard today or waste the days ahead.