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Black and White

7/16/2021

Things are not quite so simple always as black and white. ~ Doris Lessing

Life might be easier, simpler really, if everything was categorized into, well…categories, like always/never, either/or, yes/no, up/down, good/bad, all/none, perfect/imperfect, success/failure, black/white. However, that’s not reality. Life is not that compartmentalized but is multifaceted with shades of grey and a myriad of colors and possibilities.

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Asking

7/2/2021

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Image Credit @harlimarten

It’s never overreacting to ask for what you want and need. ~ Amy Poehler

Why is it so hard to ask for what you need? Maybe saying “I need…” feels selfish. The traditional roles of women as nurturers and caregivers have programmed us to consider everyone else’s needs ahead of our own, so needs often go unspoken and unaddressed. That’s not unique to either gender though, as men may have unexpressed needs as well.

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Negatives And Positives

6/18/2021

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Image Credit @jheintze

Being negative only makes a journey more difficult. You may be given a cactus, but you don’t have to sit on it. ~ Joyce Meyer

I’ve never been fond of deserts, but then I don’t have much experience with them. My view of deserts is excessive heat during the day and freezing cold temps at night, no water and unusual vegetation, if there’s any at all. And then there’s the dangerous animals: rattlesnakes, bats, bobcats, vultures, Gila monsters, scorpions, tarantulas, and black widow spiders. It sends chills down my spine just thinking about those creatures. I see a lot of danger in the desert.

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Past, Future, Present

6/4/2021

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Image Credit @vjgalaxy

Look back and get experience. Look forward and see hope. Look around and see reality. Look within and feel confident. ~ Venkatesan Krishnamurthy

The Past: I’ve always been curious why folks enjoy posting pictures and sayings on Facebook from bygone years…you know, the “Remember when” posts or “Who can identify what this kitchen utensil was used for 50 years ago?” I’ve never identified with those posts and wonder what the benefit is. Maybe dwelling on the past brings a degree of comfort in remembering it as a less stressful period of life and therefore much better than the present. But memories can sugar-coat past realities or overwhelm us with regrets or “shoulds,” like “I should or shouldn’t have…” or “Why did I….?” or “If only…” and ultimately prevent us from fully being in the present moment.

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Just A Caregiver

5/21/2021

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Image Credit @junvutruong

There are only four kinds of people in the world: those who have been caregivers, those who are currently caregivers, those who will be caregivers, and those who will need caregivers. ~ Rosalynn Carter

Years ago, when he was in his fifties, he was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s lymphoma. She was diagnosed with multiple myeloma. They had been married a number of years, and both of them were receiving treatment for their cancer diagnoses at the same time. Her treatment included a bone marrow transplant. She spent months in the hospital, and eventually a nursing home, with the expectation she would never be well enough to leave. Her condition was so severe at one point that several toes had to be amputated. (They both recovered and lived active, fulfilling lives.)

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The Power Of Words

5/7/2021

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via Word It Out

The most powerful words in the universe
are the words you say to yourself. ~ Marie Forleo

From Victim to Victor, by Harold Benjamin, Ph.D., was a popular book published a number of years ago that encouraged cancer patients to become active participants in the healing process. While that concept is a worthy endeavor, I never liked either of those words, “victim” or “victor.”

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Scanxiety Control

4/23/2021

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Image Credit @elli19

Anxiety’s like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you very far. ~ Jodie Picoult

I love learning new words. I’d never heard the word “scanxiety” until a few years ago, but I love how the word perfectly describes that feeling: that sense of anxiety and dread over an upcoming scan.

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Look At The Bear

4/9/2021

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Image Credit @brooksieg

It was exactly what I wanted – beautiful distraction. ~ Maggie Stiefwater

We were having lunch at the Stagecoach Inn in Manitou Springs. I should say hoping to have lunch as the service was painfully slow, and more than an hour after finally placing our order, food was nowhere in sight. The conversation with my daughter and grandsons who were here on vacation was delightful, but everyone was hungry, especially my husband who was becoming increasingly irritated, as the restaurant wasn’t even that busy. Sensing his growing frustration and knowing that an impending confrontation with the waitress (if he could find her) was about to happen, I suddenly pointed to one of the impressive black bear head mounts on a nearby wall and blurted “Look at the bear!” My spontaneous outburst was so unexpected and out of our conversation’s context that we all looked at each other and started laughing uncontrollably, fully aware my intentional outburst had averted a potentially awkward situation. While my husband may have found it less amusing than the rest of us, the distraction allowed all of us to focus on something else. It was a feeble attempt to diffuse the tension, yet it worked.

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Goodnight

3/26/2021

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Image credit @mauf0

I want to sleep but my brain won’t stop talking to itself. ~ Anonymous

Is there anybody alive who hasn’t had one or more sleepless nights? I doubt it.

Counting sheep was once touted as the cure-all for insomnia and believed to have originated with shepherds in medieval Britain who kept a headcount of their sheep to ensure they were all accounted for. Counting sheep has been recommended as an insomnia remedy since the 12th century and as recently as 2012, promoted in the children’s book, Count the Sheep to Sleep, by Philippa Rae. A research study conducted in the last few years at Oxford University, however, indicated counting sheep was not an effective strategy to eliminate insomnia.

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Unplugged

3/12/2021

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Image Credit @emotivephotography

Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes ... including you. ~ Anne Lamott

I think busyness has become an addiction. I learned years ago that being busy was admired, and it felt so good when someone asked how my day was going and I responded “Busy!” It made me feel important and needed. It’s taken years for me to learn that I am important and needed even when I’m not crazy busy multitasking and filling every waking moment working through a to-do list and tending to other’s needs. Once those habits are developed, it’s challenging to make changes that include solitude and quiet. Yet research tells us that doing so is in our best interests and actually helps us function more effectively and with less stress.

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The Longer The Better

2/26/2021

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Image Credit @koya79

If it doesn’t add to your life, it doesn’t belong to your life. ~ Paulo Coelho

I’m fascinated by telomeres. I first learned about them when I was doing research in preparation for leading a Mindfulness Meditation workshop. I was looking for the benefits of a mindfulness meditation practice and was surprised to discover there was research documenting the relationship between telomere length and psychosocial practices.

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What's Your "Why?"

2/12/2021

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Image Credit @patrick_schneider

He who has a why to live can bear almost any how. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

Have you had times when you had no sense of direction for your life? Maybe it was all you could do just to put one foot ahead of the other…just get through another week. I would bet most everyone has gone through a few weeks, months, or maybe even years like that, and it’s not a good feeling. The feeling is depression.

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Out Of Control

1/29/2021

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image credit @janasabeth

When you stop worrying about what you cannot control, you have time to change the things you can control, and that changes everything. ~ Marcandangel

I spent years becoming a really good worrier. I probably could get a medal for Outstanding Worrier of the Year. Normally I would feel great about doing something really well. But being one of the best worriers around left me feeling depleted, unsettled, anxious. Now I’ve spent many more years learning how not to be a good worrier. It’s a work in progress.

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One Step at a Time

1/15/2021

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Image Credit @paulhart

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. ~ Lao Tzu

Anyone overwhelmed? There’s a lot to manage these days: trying to stay safe during a pandemic; managing feelings surrounding the riots - regardless of where one is on the political spectrum; coping with medical appointments and treatments; or just getting through another day.

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Beginning

1/4/2021

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Image Credit @mattylava

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end. ~ Seneca

There are feelings of adventure, excitement and unimagined possibilities when thinking about the beginning of a trip, a new project, relationship, or new job. Beginnings can also elicit fear of past failures, challenges or difficulties. The beginning of anything might be experienced as something to eagerly look forward to or something to be dreaded.

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Living on Purpose

12/18/2020

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Image Credit @seantookthese

The present moment is the only moment available to us, and it is the door to all moments. ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

I’ve read about people sleepwalking, unaware of their actions and activity, only to be told later what they did or said. I think that would be scary. Fortunately, I’ve never had that experience, but I wonder sometimes if I haven’t had some similar experiences – times when I’ve driven miles but didn’t actually recall those miles, or when I’ve been a few blocks from home but couldn’t recall if I’d actually pressed the remote to close the garage door, requiring a trip back to the house to double-check. It’s a little like sleepwalking – not being fully present in the moment, not recalling actions, not being in the ‘here and now’ with my mind in another time and place..

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How Can I Say No?

12/4/2020

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Image Credit @thwhoai

Daring to set boundaries is having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others. ~ Brené Brown

I remember a time when sitting down for a few minutes, doing basically nothing, was out of the question. I felt guilty for not “doing something” because there was so much that needed to be done: meal preparation, attending kids’ activities and church functions, dusting and vacuuming, yard work, and laundry…always laundry. Later on, there were meetings to attend, professional journals to read patients to see, groups to lead, and never, never any unfilled moments.

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What’s Gratitude Got to Do with It?

11/17/2020

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Image Credit @priscilladupreez

It can be hard to see the goodness when we are living in the shadows of life. But that is when we need gratitude the most. That's when we must go looking for it. ~ Polly Campbell

Nearly everyone has been through at least one tough time, and more often than not, many tough times. In the midst of dark days, it may seem like they will never end. One can question how it’s possible to navigate such distressing times when the light at the end of the tunnel seems far away and dim.

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Accepting the Invitation

11/7/2020

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Image Credit @kellysikkema

Every day I have many choices to make about who I want to be. ~ Amanda Lindhout

I was in the 20-items-or-less fast checkout lane with 12 items in my basket. The woman in front of me had 29 things – I know because I counted them. Really? I found myself getting very annoyed. Why can’t people just follow the guidelines? The more I thought about it, the more frustrated, angry even, I became. When I finally left the store, I was in a cranky and critical mood.

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Against All Odds

10/23/2020

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Image Credit @sharonmccutcheon

I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it. ~ Maya Angelou

Some people need to know the odds, but knowing “the spread” of a football game doesn’t ensure a win or a loss. My favorite team learned that lesson recently. Some people want survival rate statistics following a cancer diagnosis, but those numbers don’t guarantee survival or death...

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A Balancing Act

10/9/2020

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Image Credit @thomasrey96

Balance is not something you find, it’s something you create. ~ Jana Kingsford

Is it possible to live a balanced life 24/7? I doubt it. But it is something to work toward.

There’s so much talk about living a balanced life…it sounds perfect, having it all together: Just enough sleep to function optimally (but too much sleep could suggest depression); Just enough exercise to feel great (but too much exercise can cause joint stress); Just enough sun for a healthy Vitamin D level (but too much sun can cause skin cancer). And the list goes on.

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Perfect

9/25/2020

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Image Credit @julchen

The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself. ~ Anna Quindlen

When I was young, I tried to be perfect. I didn’t like making mistakes. A math or spelling test score of 98 wasn’t quite good enough; I wanted the perfect score: 100. And in mid-life, I still didn’t like making mistakes, forgetting something, or having a typo on a newsletter. I strove for perfection.

I didn’t know that trying to be perfect caused stress and actually was unhealthy. I thought that going for “perfect” was admirable, that I should never make a mistake, disappoint another or fail at anything. Boy was I wrong...

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The Gift of Time

9/11/2020

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Image Credit http @chaowongah

In light of recent personal and global losses, I’m reflecting on what's important and valued, and how I want to spend my time. I’m thinking of this time as a reset button – this time when the world has changed due to so many losses – tragic deaths, Covid-19, a cancer diagnosis – when everything is different, when I’m different.

I’ve heard many grieving people say “You know what I once thought was important isn’t important to me anymore.” I’ve heard people diagnosed with cancer say the same thing. There’s a need to re-prioritize, re-evaluate, and ask questions: What gives me joy? Who “puts into my bucket?” Who diminishes me? What kind of person do I want to be? And what do I value? I love the idea of a reset button with the choice to begin again, start over, and do things differently...

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Taking Control Amidst The Coronavirus Crisis

8/21/2020

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Image Credit @fusion_medical_animation

Everything feels out of sync and nothing feels normal. New words and phrases become commonplace: social distancing, community spread, PPE, N95, flattening the curve, Zoom.

Some days I really struggle with my emotions and I have trouble not being overwhelmed by thoughts like…”When will things get back to normal? Will this ever end? Am I being irrational or just trying to be safe? My anxiety feels out of my control. I feel a little depressed…and maybe a little scared, and that’s not typical for me. I don’t handle uncertainty well. I’m used to planning ahead. I’m exhausted from the news and from feeling hyper-vigilant...

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Black and White

Asking

Negatives And Positives

Past, Future, Present

Just A Caregiver

The Power Of Words

Scanxiety Control

Look At The Bear

Goodnight

Unplugged

The Longer The Better

What's Your "Why?"

Out Of Control

One Step at a Time

Beginning

Living on Purpose

How Can I Say No?

What’s Gratitude Got to Do with It?

Accepting the Invitation

Against All Odds

A Balancing Act

Perfect

The Gift of Time

Taking Control Amidst The Coronavirus Crisis

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